x Monkey Brains x
by x Social Distortion x
Summary: Poor Neville – all he wanted was for someone to take him seriously. Now his attempts to improve himself have left him looking rather foolish.
1. x A Mistake x

'Neville Longbottom!' An icy voice made Neville jump, causing him to spill even more potion down his already soaking cloak. 'The potion is supposed to go in the cauldron, you stupid boy, not down your front. I wonder why you even waste your time in my class.' Snape sneered as he looked down at Neville, who was now cowering behind his cauldron. 'Fifty points from Gryffindor for Longbottoms stupidity. Fifty points, however, will go to Slytherin for Mr Malfoys perfect shrinking potion.'  
  
Snapes lips curled as he walked away, leaving Neville in a state of frightened shock.  
  
Poor Neville - no one ever took him seriously any more. Everyone saw him as some sort of prop, a comic relief character if you will. Well, that was all about to change. Neville was sick of being a joke, sick of his grandmother always yelling at him to improve, sick of never earning Gryffindor any points. He had had enough.  
  
The end of class crawled by slowly, and there was much scuffling (particularly from Neville, who wanted to get out of there before Snape could bully him further) to leave the dungeons for lunch. But as everyone else made his or her way to the Great Hall for something to eat, Neville headed straight for Gryffindor tower alone.  
  
A quick glance around the Common Room told him that he was alone. So far so good. He crept up the stairs and into his Dormitory, though he didn't exactly know why he was creeping. He opened the trunk at the foot of his bed with much difficulty, as the lid was heavy and the hinges were rusty. Moving aside robes, cauldrons, underwear and socks, Neville found what he was looking for and smiled. He lifted out a heavy leather bound book with a shiny golden heading which read 'Powerful Spells for Self Improvement Made Easy.' His smile faded quickly, however, as the lid of his trunk came crashing down painfully on his fingers.  
  
15 minutes and 10 very sore fingers later, Neville sat on his bed, flicking through the pages of his book. Finally, his finger stopped at the top of a likely looking page.  
  
Sick of being a joke? Sick of your family always yelling at you to improve? It read. Sick of never earning your house any points? Have you just had enough? Then this is the spell for you. Not only designed to raise your IQ, this spell is also great for improving your potion making skills. Simply point your wand at your head, filling your mind with thoughts of intelligence, and repeat the incantation ECNG ILLE TNI WON three times.  
  
Fingers trembling slightly, Neville did as the book had said. As he repeated the incantation, Neville filled his mind with pictures of himself stunning Snape with his potion making skills, of Hermione starring at him in awe as he bet her to answering every question asked, of him successfully transfiguring everything perfectly, and of him swinging through the trees as a monkey. Wait, no! He didn't mean to think of that!  
  
Too late.  
  
With a small bang, Neville was thrown backwards off his bed. He landed a few meters away in a crumpled heap on the floor. When he shook his head and sat up, however, he had a strange craving for a rather large bunch of bananas.  
  
[ooh, chapter two coming right up.inspire me by writing beautiful reviews! By the way, yes I am fully aware of how stupid this ff is, but hey, who says stupidity cant be fun?] 


	2. x Monkey Bussiness x

Bananas! Neville needed bananas! Any bananas!  
  
Images of dancing bananas filled Neville's head as he slowly stood up. Hmm, that was strange, he had a human body. But he was a monkey.surely a monkey would have a monkey body?  
  
'No matter,' he thought happily, prancing around the room in a monkey-like fashion. Bananas would help him think clearly. So, racing down the stairs and through the portrait hole, he swung from staircase to staircase, ignoring the bewildered looks the paintings were now giving him.  
  
He limped into the Great Hall excitedly. Strangely, no one looked twice at him. Perhaps as a human, he had always walked like a monkey? Neville didn't know or care.  
  
'Hello Neville!' Hermione chirped happily at him as he reached the Gryffindor table. Neville tried to say 'hello' back, but it came out as a sort of strangled scream. Then, quite suddenly, he had an overpowering urge to pick Hermiones head for bugs. He pranced over to her, arms flailing and face twisted, but stopped suddenly as his eyes layed on a fresh bowl of bananas a few seats away.  
  
'BANANAS!' He screamed in joy, thought it only came out as 'OOH OOH AH AH AH!'  
  
With one not-so-graceful leap, Neville was dancing gleefully on top of the table, waving the bunch of bananas around with one hand in triumph. Then, without warning, he sat heavily onto the table with a crash, causing several Gryffindors to cry out in despair as their goblets fell over and the contents spilled out across the tablecloth.  
  
Hermione exchanged nervous look with the people sitting near her as Neville bit into the first banana, skin and all. He chewed happily, mouth wide open, and only vaguely taking notice everyone moving ever so slowly away from him.  
  
But as he was half was through his second banana, a stern voice surprised him and he choked.  
  
'Mr Longbottom! What on earth are you doing?' The voice shrieked. Neville looked up and came face to face with a very scared looking Professor McGonagal.  
  
[bah, I cant think of anything else to write! Ha ha ha.inspire me by writing beautiful reviews! By the way, yes I am fully aware of how stupid this ff is, but hey, who says stupidity cant be fun?] 


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